Burn Our Houses Down [Book One] Read online

  “Here,” Xavier says. He hands me the aspirin and some water. I take the pills and lay my head back down.

  “The cable’s out,” I say.

  “Damn,” he mumbles.

  “Did you try the landline?”

  I shake my head no.

  Xavier dials a phone number and places the receiver tight up against his ear. “Yeah, hi, uh I was hoping to get in touch with the Town of Crawford police,” he starts. He’s silent for quite some time and nods his head once or twice. “Well, what are we supposed to do for the time being?” A couple more nods and then he runs his

  fingers through his hair. “I have a friend of mine here that needs a doctor. A friend of mine is an orthopedic in Newburgh, and I think she’s torn something in her knee. She’s in a lot of pain.”

  I listen hard and vaguely hear the operator’s voice say, “There are a lot more people in pain then just your friend, sir.” I laugh and close my eyes again.

  “Well, is there anyone I can talk to that can help? Or am I just gonna get the same bullshit?” Xavier’s back goes rigid, and then, he pulls the receiver from his ear and hangs the phone back on the hook.

  “What happened,” I ask.

  “That was an operator obviously,” he says shaking his head. “They said we’re in a state of emergency, and that we’re not going to be able to get you a doctor.”

  “Are you serious?” Xavier nods his head slowly. “Why?”

  He kneels down by my side and says, “They told me the forest fire isn’t the only problem out there.”

  Suppressed

  What does that even mean? “Something else? So the hospital is definitely out that question,” I ask.

  He nods his head. “Maybe the fire injured a lot of people,” he says trailing off at the end. His eyebrows point downward, and he stares at the discoloration in my knee.

  I lay my head back on the cushion and close my eyes.

  “Listen, about before,” Xavier starts, but I hold up my hand.

  “It’s fine,” I lie. Sure, Hayley. It’s absolutely fine that your only best friend left thinks you’re a selfish little girl who runs away from her problems. No, it’s not ok. Because what he’s saying is the truth. I’ve known it all along, I just hoped that no one else noticed.

  I try to remember the last time I was truly happy with how things were here, but the only memory that flashes in my head is the accident. I remember so much more of it than I did before thanks to Xavier back on the Thruway.

  A suppressed memory—that’s what my psychologist told me after the nightmares started. He said that in order for me to fully move on from the accident I needed to break through the wall my mind constructed.

  I open and close my eyes once or twice before I start to fall asleep.

  * * *

  It’s night. I look around and see Cassie sitting next to me in the passenger seat of my parent’s Escape.

  “You’re going to love it, Hayley. Everyone from school is gonna be there,” Cassie says.

  Wake up Hayley. You’re dreaming! Wake up!

  “Maybe I don’t want to see anyone from high school,” I mumble.

  “Oh come on, Xavier will be there too!” I feel the tug on my gut.

  Damn. I can still feel how much their love kills me.

  “Great,” I say faking excitement.

  Cassie reaches for the radio and turns on the CD player. “Really, Cass? The Turkey Song,” I ask. “We’re not six anymore.”

  “We used to scream this at the top of our lungs back then! And as I recall, you were eighteen the last time we sang this together,” she says laughing.

  She belts the words completely out of tune, and I can’t help but smile. I feel myself begin to sing along. We drive past the farms lining the Shawangunk Mountains with the music blasting out our windows.

  Despite the coldness of this November night, we keep the windows rolled all the way down with the sunroof open as well.

  The song ends and Cassie turns down the volume, letting the other songs play in the background. Her laugh echoes off my eardrums. She turns her head towards me and smiles.

  “I miss my twin,” she says. I know she’s trying to play it off as an everyday saying, but I can hear a tinge of sadness in her voice.

  “I miss you too, Cass,” I say smiling. We ride for a couple of minutes in silence.

  “Are you ever gonna come home,” she asks.

  I sigh. “Can we not do this right now?”

  “Sure, yeah,” Cassie says leaning back in her seat. “No

  problem.”

  I turn on to county route seven and press a little harder on the gas. Just let me get there and get this reunion over with. The moon peeks above the clouds ahead of us.

  I can feel Cassie’s skin crawling with anxiousness before she speaks.

  “Cassie, I know you want me to explain myself, but it’s really—complicated and—”

  “I just want to know what I did to make you leave,” she says. She runs her fingers through her blond hair and swipes the back of her hand across her eyes.

  “Please Cass. This has nothing to do with you,” I say glancing at her.

  “You’re lying, Hayles. I’m your twin, not Mom and Dad,” she says. “I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying.”

  I grip the steering wheel tighter. I know she’s right; it’s a twin thing. I make a left turn onto Albany Post Road and continue towards New Paltz.

  “I know, Cassie, but I just don’t think you want to know the real reason,” I say. “I don’t want to make you upse—”

  “Can’t you see that I’m already upset!” she yells. I turn and see tears streak her skin. “You disappear for three years and all the sudden show up on Mom and Dad’s doorstep for Thanksgiving. And no one asks you for an explanation! No one!”

  Tears start filling my eyes now, and I have no control over them falling. “I needed a chang—”

  “Don’t you dare feed me that bullshit that you’ve been feeding our parents. I know there’s another reason,” she yells. “If it’s me, tell me what to do to fix it. I’ll do anything to have you back in our lives—”

  “Our lives?” I ask cutting her off. Her jaw drops slightly, and she lowers her head staring at something near the floor. “Who are we talking about here?” I don’t necessarily ask it, more like demand it.

  “Xavier and I,” she says. “We’re engaged.” She holds out her hand and shows me the ring.

  “What?” I whisper.

  “He proposed to me last night,” she says. “That’s what you walked in on.”

  I feel sick, so sick. We drive in silence for what seems like eternity.

  “Hayley, look out!”

  Life: 4:45A.M.

  “No!” I scream.

  I fall off the couch and slam my leg into the coffee table. “Shit,” I mutter grabbing hold of my knee and trying to massage the pain out of it.

  “Hayley, you all right?” Xavier calls from somewhere in the house.

  I feel so nauseous that I bite down on my tongue instead of answering him. I can hear his footsteps coming up the basement stairs and through the kitchen.

  “Jesus Christ,” he mutters. He lifts me up and places me back on the couch. “Are you ok?”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Is it your knee? I can get you more painkillers or more ice. Do you want more pillows?”

  “It’s not just that, Xavier” I say.

  “Oh,” he says looking me over just to make sure. “Well, do you feel nauseous or are you hung—”

  “I remember the entire accident.” I can’t even hear him breathing after I say it. I swallow and let out a long breath. “We were fighting on the way to our reunion until she told me you two were engaged. I swerved to miss someone who was jogging on the road and I couldn’t gain control of the wheel again.” Xavier’s grip on my blanket tightens until his knuckles turn white. I swallow and continue. “
I heard Cassie scream and saw her head go through the sunroof and then the screaming just stopped,” I whisper. I feel the same wave of sickness I felt in my nightmare wash over me. “My head hit the steering wheel, and the next thing I remember is a flashlight being shone in my face.”

  It stays silent for minutes. Xavier stands up and walks out of the room. I bite down on my lip and hold back the breakdown that is desperately trying to fight its way out. I lay back and close my eyes again, forcing myself to think of anything but last November or the blood.

  “Did she suffer,” Xavier’s voice asks from the hallway.

  “No,” I respond. “At least, I don’t think so.”

  He paces in front of the entranceway to the living room and leans against the door frame. He pushes his hair back and scratches at the roots.

  “I’m so sorry, Xavier,” I say. “I feel so horrible for doing this to yo—”

  “Stop,” he says. “Don’t put this all on yourself.” He walks over to me and kneels on the floor next to the couch. “It was wrong of me to say all that shit before,” he says taking a hold of my hand. “I keep forgetting that you lost someone you loved too.”

  I nod my head. “You were right to say them though, Xavier.” He looks up at me, worry wrinkles firmly pressed into his forehead. “I was running away from everything here,” I say. “I wanted to get away because of yo—because of the memories.”

  I can’t tell him I’m in love with him. How stupid would that be of me? What would that do to him if I did say it? I try to get a good look at him without gawking. His eyes are red and irritated, dark circles fill the gaps underneath them.

  “Xavier, when was the last time you got some sleep,” I ask grabbing a hold of his chin.

  He shakes his head, his eyes searching for a lost date somewhere in his mind.

  “Go sleep, and stop worrying about me. I’m a big girl. I can get over it.”

  He smiles weakly and walks to my parents bedroom down the hallway.

  Sure, I can get over it. Yeah. I might as well lie to myself until I believe it’s the truth.

  Day Two

  The back door slides open. I can hear Xavier snoring in my parent’s bedroom. My eyes shoot open.

  “Hello?” a familiar voice calls out. “Who’s here?”

  “Dad?” I say from the couch.

  “Hayley,” my mother’s voice responds in the same tone. I try and get up but Xavier’s doctor voice in the back of my head tells me otherwise. “I’m in the living room,” I say.

  My mom is the first one through the archway. “Oh my gosh,” she says holding her hand up to her mouth. “Your knee!”

  “It was from hiking. I’ll be fine,” I say squeezing my mom tightly, breathing in the hazelnut scent her hair gives off. “You’re ok.”

  “We saw all the wreckage getting off the highway. It was unbelievable. We stopped at Best Gas right off of route seventeen and I was jumped by a homeless man,” my dad says.

  “Are you ok?” I can’t control the strain in my voice. It’s the first time I’ve been happy to see my parents in god knows how long.

  “Just a flesh wound,” my dad laughs.

  I rest my head back down on the cushion of the sofa.

  “So what happened to your knee dear—”

  “It was completely my fault Mrs. Henderson.” I barely even heard Xavier stop snoring. He leans against the archway to the living room with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  “What happened?” my dad asks.

  “We were hiking down the mountain and I—”

  “Slipped and fell—hard,” I finish. There is no point in making either of them worry when fifteen minutes ago, I thought they were missing like everyone else.

  “Well, I’m just so happy to see you’re alive,” my mom says squeezing my shoulder.

  “Wait, what do you mean alive,” I ask. Xavier and I shoot a look at each other.

  “There were just, so many bodies everywhere,” my mom starts, but then instead stares at the carpet.

  “When we were driving back up here, there were bodies littering the highway. In Delaware, it was fine,” my dad says. He grabs the bridge of his nose and squeezes. “But once we hit Jersey—”

  “It was nothing but bodies after car wreck after bodies after car wreck.” My mother’s gaze films over as she looks out one of the living rooms windows.

  “Did you hear anything on the news?” I whisper.

  “No,” my father responds. “Nothing has been said on the radio, on the internet. I mean hell, your mother couldn’t get 3G at all—anywhere.” My eyes go wide. All the 3G down, that would kill me at the office in Queens.

  I look over at Xavier but it seems he doesn’t have a clue what the big deal is.

  “It means that the satellites and towers for cell phones are out of whack,” I explain. “I know maybe not for you, but for me, that means zero communication.”

  He nods slowly and then glances at the landline phone on the small nightstand next to our sofa. “But the landlines aren’t down,” he says.

  “What?” my father says.

  “It’s how we found out the hospitals were filled,” Xavier responds.

  My dad reaches for the phone and begins dialing. “Dad, who are you calli—”

  “The station. Someone will answer there and tell us what’s going on,” he says cutting me off. “If they don’t, they’re gonna get an ass ripping when I go in on Monday.”

  I roll my eyes. My dad hasn’t changed one bit. He has been in the police force for over twenty-five years. It earned him a spot as Chief of Police in the Town of Crawford.

  “Dad, I have a feeling they’re not gonna know much more than we do,” I say taking hold of his wrist. He shakes his head and presses the phone to his ear.

  “It’s Chief Henderson,” he says. I can hear the murmur of someone’s voice on the other end, but can’t make out what they’re saying. My dad nods his head a couple times and grunts in response to a couple of things.

  “Where’s McDavies?” my dad asks. His voice is strained; I can already see the veins in his neck pulse in anger. He nods his head a couple more times and then says, “Well, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  My eyes bulge from my skull. “What?” He hangs up the phone and marches off to his bedroom down the hall. “Dad!”

  He doesn’t turn around, doesn’t even flinch when I call out to him. “Mom, please don’t let him go,” I beg. She looks in the direction my father stalked off in and shakes her head.

  “Ever since the gas station, he just has been so damn stubborn,” she whispers. She looks over at me and I shudder at her expression. “It’s like a switch flipped in his head after he killed that man.”

  Murder

  “What,” Xavier says, his voice getting caught in his throat.

  My mouth turns to sandpaper. I almost think I misunderstood my mother, but Xavier’s face only reconfirms what she said. “Please tell me you’re joking, Mom,” I say grabbing her arm.

  She looks at me again and I can tell she’s not. “Your father was trying to protect us,” she whispers. But I can hear the fear in her voice. Something happened out there that she isn’t telling me. I glance at Xavier and can see the same look of worry flash across his face.

  “Tell me what happened, Mom,” I say. I can tell she doesn’t want my dad to hear anything. The door to my parent’s bedroom slams, and I hear my dad’s footsteps click in the hallway; he’s wearing his full uniform, right down to the shiny boots.

  My mom’s shoulders stiffen, and she leans towards me and brushes her fingers through my hair. I make eye contact with her; it’s for the appearance. I lean into her and close my eyes.

  “Please,” I say in the weakest voice I can muster. I used to take acting classes with Cassie when I was about five or six—I think I still got it. I don’t honestly have to act when it comes to anything dealing with Cass. The pain that stings somewhere underneath
my skin still seems to surface whenever I think about my sister, so when my mother starts wiping tears from my face, she really begins to worry.

  “Are you in pain,” Xavier asks.

  I shake my head, but that’s a lie too. I wish it were my sister, my twin who was comforting me right now. I wish Cassie were the one confronting my dad with me and trying to stop him from leaving. But most of all, I wish it were me in Cassie’s place.

  My dad always listened to her. She had this way with my parents that I never seemed to obtain. She always could make things calmer, and make my dad listen. But it was impossible with me. I never was able to reach our dad the way she could. I’m sobbing by the time my dad returns to the living room.

  “What happened?” he asks.

  I can feel Xavier’s weight leave the side of the couch. I don’t bother looking up, I just bury my face into my mother’s blouse and close my eyes tightly. My body shudders in her arms. I can hear Xavier and my dad talking, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.

  My mother starts humming into my ear and then whispers, “We’re gonna be ok.”

  I don’t think we are, but something about my mother’s voice makes me believe her. I look up and see Xavier’s muscle tighten under his shirt. My father’s face is red, and the veins in his neck bulge with each rapid beat of his heart.

  “I’m sick and tired of your shit,” he yells.

  Xavier backs up a couple steps between me and my father. “Mr. Henderson, I’m not tryin—”

  “No! I’m sick of this shit! You come into my home as if you’re family!” my dad yells.

  “Stop it,” my mom says, but she doesn’t have any force behind her words. I can feel the heat rising to my face.

  “You are not part of this family! Get out of my house!” my dad yells.

  Xavier looks behind him down at me. “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t do that,” he says quietly.